it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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