take 3 tylenol pm's and try playing basketball.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
