You do realize the lyrics aren't "hold me close TONY DANZA" right?
You can't be serious.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Killed two birds with one stone: found my wallet and unclogged the toilet.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
