with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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