Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Bring me that man meat
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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