I overheard a kid saying to his mom at Walmart: "Mommy.. should we buy cups for daddy's spit?"
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
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