I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize