You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize