So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
i think i have two assholes
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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