He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
