Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
it was pretty much a given that i would lose my thong on dollar tequilla shot night
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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