Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Randomize
