and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Randomize
