my sisters under your porch take her home
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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