we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Randomize
