The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
You both sound like you need to get shit faced, fight it out, and have makeup sex.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
