mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
