life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
