i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
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