I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
