My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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