well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize