She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
