We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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