I hate all girls vehemently.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
