He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Randomize
