Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I snapchatted him 4 pictures of me as Tarzan's dad so if he never talks to me again at least we'll know why
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
