I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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