Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize