It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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