my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Abby spilt her vodka all over the train's bathroom floor
WE'RE THE ONES DRESSED UP FOR THE LARGEST DRINKING HOLIDAY IN AMERICA WHO ELSE ON THIS TRAIN IS A SUSPECT FOR THIS SMELL?!
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
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