Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Im drunk on a hayride surrounded by toddlers. they are judging me.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
