I cockslap morals
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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