Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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