he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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