You really coming over, don't trick.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
be right there i have to get my cape
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
Randomize