Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
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