Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
I consider it a good night. I met Jimmy Buffet, who grabbed my ass, and I body-checked a toddler. She had it coming.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
If I send you a picture of a dick will you give me your honest reaction?
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize