Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
I can feel my ovaries exploding thinking about them.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
