My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
I mean, yeah, she was cheating on me but I've been fucking her brother. My secret relationship trumps her secret relationship.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Just to let you know we went to the circus yesterday...in case you didn't remember
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Randomize
