Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
