No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
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