We almost didn't get a second pitcher, but now we're getting a sixth.
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
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