Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
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