What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
