Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
