drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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