Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
