I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize