Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
Randomize
