I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
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