Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
he told her to call him "Frog Legs" and she still fucked him and not you.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Randomize
