drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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