I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Randomize
