I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I'd call her a cunt, but she dooesn't seem to have the depth or warmth.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I have the best idea for a new business. It's going to be called "Lamb-Scape". We are going to cut lawns using lambs. You just put 5 or 6 on a lawn and they eat the grass #allnatural
YOU SAID YOU WERE OUT OF POT
..........
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
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