Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
