we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
I feel like I'm sitting in a sleigh of puddy. It's not a bathtub though because you need a sleigh to go down a mountain.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Randomize
