i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
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