Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Randomize
