She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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