I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
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