Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
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