Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Less talking, more tequila
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
