need another drink. this is the easiest way
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
