I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
