okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
My bed smells like the plague
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
