Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
