I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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