im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Have you ever felt like autocorrect is judging you with its suggested words? Like how it won't suggest certain words until you type in pretty much the entire word, is it just thinking 'No way did this dude use "consent laws" in the same sentence as "17th?" Or is that just me.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Randomize