k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
