I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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